BabyBarista: Birds of a feather

Posted on 13th Sep 2013 in BabyBarista

UpTights

UpTights was a bundle of energy at chambers tea yesterday. “I had the most terrible experience on my way to court,” she said.

“What? Your witch’s broomstick came unstuck?” said OldSmoothie.

“I was dashing for the start of a trial over the road when a seagull
landed one on me from a great height. Not just any small little offering
either. This was an almighty effort which smeared right down the front
of my jacket and blouse.”

“So what did you do?” asked BusyBody sympathetically.

“What’s the problem?” said OldSmoothie. “Gowns are perfectly designed to hide such sartorial difficulties.”

“Maybe for a fat lazy slob like yourself,” said UpTights, “but I
certainly wasn’t going to court in that state. So I asked my pupil to go
to court and seek an adjournment for a couple of hours whilst I popped
out and bought some replacement clothes. Told her to tell the judge that
I had an unavoidable personal difficulty.”

“Wow, that makes it an even more expensive bird dropping than guano,”
said TheVamp. “Two hours of time at court with, say, five lawyers on
each side. That’s probably four or five thousand pounds worth of
dropping in fact.”

“I have a solicitor who always reminds me of a seagull,” said TheVamp.
“I set off for court all prepared and raring to go only for him to land a
great big stinking pile of the unexpected on me from a great height the
moment I arrive.”

“Pupils often remind me of little robins,” said OldRuin. “Always feeding around the feet of the big beasts.”

“I like to see myself as a falcon,” said OldSmoothie. “Fast, ruthless and with the killer instinct.”

“More like a cookoo mercilessly tricking your way into the little nests
lovingly made up by junior members of chambers,” said BusyBody.

“Which would make you what?” came the reply. “A magpie chasing every shining, sparkly new legal fad.”

“All of which leaves OldRuin as the wise owl,” said TheVamp.

“Oh, I’d prefer to see myself as the traditional humble house sparrow,”
said OldRuin. “Enjoying the chatter in amongst the crowd.”

“And of course the ICLR would be the golden eagle, flying effortlessly above and impressing all they pass,” said TheBusker.

“Particularly the ICLR Online,” said TheVamp.

“Well all birds in the Temple should be shot in my opinion,” said UpTights.

“Perhaps a little extreme,” said BusyBody.

“They’re vermin,” she continued. “Nothing more than high-flying rodents.”

“In which case some might say they’re in good company around the Temple,” smiled TheBusker.